Space Cadet

Lately, I've noticed myself not paying attention at all when people speak, often daydreaming about things people should just not think about. Anyway, because of this, my thoughts may seem a little scattered. Pretending that didn't scare you away yet, I'll just begin.

-The same words can mean totally different things to older people as they do to college kids. For instance, I caddy at a local golf course, and one day a golfer said to another one, “how’s your beach game?” Now, at first glance, I thought he was asking like how his luck was going with the ladies at the beach these days. But then I thought about how the guy was in a sand trap and was just asking how his skill has been out of the bunker lately. Hey, it’s not my fault all we think about it picking up chicks, that’s just the way a college boy’s life is.

-How much does a polar bear weigh? Enough to break the ice…If you ever wanted to hook up with that dorky sense of humor chick that is kinda hot, I just did all the work for you.

-Random fact: random facts are good ice breakers…but don’t make them too random, then you look like a creeper. For example, I'm not quite so sure you're going to have much success when the first thing you say to a girl is, "Snapple Fact 36: a duck's quack doesn't echo."

-One of the only good things to have little nieces or nephews, or in other people’s cases brothers and sisters is because it gives you an excuse when you know something about a “little kid” TV show or movie. For instance, someone once caught me signing the theme song to Arthur. “Why do you know every word Arthur’s theme song?” “Oh, uh, I had to watch it while I was babysitting, damn mini marathons.” Good save Rye.

-Quote of the Week: I'll take this one from my friend Donny Goll, who will probably be a frequent visitor for me for QotW. He is usually full of hilarious quotes which are even funnier because of his Long Island/Brooklyn sounding accent. Another friend was talking about this decent looking girl having a lazy eye, and he was unsure what to do with her, Donny was like, “Hey, it’s just a lazy eye, it’s not gonna kill ya. A lopsided tit, now that’ll kill ya.”

-And finally, I’ve always heard those people say how they can’t text/type and talk at the same time because they start to text/type what they say and vice versa, and I just didn’t get it. I never thought I was one of these people until the other day... The other day, I was making plans online, and wrote “Let’s do it.” Simultaneously, I was asking my brother if my parents were asleep yet because I needed to ask them a question, I accidentally said, “Did mom and dad do it yet?” Enough said. No need to mock or ridicule me, that sounded enough like a plan to everyone else in the room already.